


Simple is Best

by Life_sans_Sin



Series: Romancing the Bone [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, Fluff, Gender-neutral Reader, Racism, Reader Is Not Frisk, Xenophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 02:19:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12002892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Life_sans_Sin/pseuds/Life_sans_Sin
Summary: Papyrus convinces Sans to take you on a first "proper date". Things get a little complicated before everything manages to work out and simplify in the best way. You get to try your first monster alcohol, so that's a plus.





	Simple is Best

“OH MY GOD, YOU HAVEN’T TAKEN THEM ON A DATE!”

 

Sans glanced up from his oatmeal with his spoon in his mouth, brow bone raised to show his confusion as he chewed his bite. Papyrus was standing with his orange plaid apron still on, one hand on his hip and a wooden spoon in the other. Bits of oatmeal flew off it as he shook it at his brother.

 

“YOU HEARD ME! YOU’VE BEEN DATING THE HUMAN FOR THREE MONTHS, AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T TAKEN THEM ON A PROPER DATE!”

 

Swallowing his bite, Sans set his spoon down and shrugged his shoulders.

 

“eh, i’ve taken them out on plenty o’ dates,” he said, waving his brother’s concerns off with a flick of his wrist before shoveling more oatmeal into his mouth. Papyrus fixed him with a look, eye sockets narrowed slightly.

 

“OH REALLY? PLEASE, THEN, TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT!”

 

Sans rolled his eye lights and swallowed, flipping his spoon between his phalanges and ignoring the squawk Papyrus gave when oatmeal got onto the table cloth.

 

“the other day we went to the mall and walked around, even got ‘em a corn dog from that stand you hate.” Papyrus grimaced at this but nodded his head a bit, and Sans stopped flipping his silverware long enough to take another bite. The soft  _ tink _ of the metal against bone filled the dining room.

 

“OKAY, THAT DOESN’T SOUND AWFUL… I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY ASKED THEM OUT ON A DATE!” he said excitedly, sounding almost proud of his brother for taking that first step. Sans swallowed and his smile faltered.

 

“uhhh i mean, i didn’t exactly ask them out.”

 

“...WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”

 

He shrugged, “they were already goin’ out and asked if i wanted to tag along. i said i wasn’t doin’ anythin’ else and went with ‘em.” Papyrus smacked a gloved hand to his forehead, dragging it down his skull and giving his brother a disbelieving look.

 

“THAT’S NOT A DATE, THAT’S JUST A HANGOUT!”

 

“...what’s the difference?”

 

“WHAT’S THE-- …. ARE YOU SERIOUS?? UGH! HOLD ON!” Papyrus turned on his boot heel and stormed out of the room, leaving Sans to poke at his oatmeal with his spoon as he waited for his brother’s return. When he did hear his footfalls approaching he glanced up and, seeing what was in his hands, groaned.

 

“aw c’mon, bro, not the book…”

 

“I’M SORRY, SANS, BUT IT’S OBVIOUS YOU NEED THIS BOOK MORE THAN I DO RIGHT NOW.” Papyrus set the thick book on the kitchen table in front of Sans, smoothing a glove almost lovingly across the well-worn paperback cover. “THIS BOOK MADE ME INTO THE DATING EXPERT I AM TODAY--”

 

“exactly how many dates have you been on?”

 

“--AND NOW IT WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU!! THIS BOOK DOESN’T JUDGE, SANS, BUT I THINK THAT IF IT COULD, IT WOULD THINK YOU WERE IN DIRE NEED OF ITS HELP!”

 

The smaller skeleton put his head in his hands, skull resting on the edge of the table.

 

“i am not reading that book.”

 

“THINK OF IT THIS WAY, THEN, IF YOU WILL!” He walked around the table and knelt by his brother’s chair, putting an arm around his shoulder and gesturing with his free hand. “YOU HAVE NEVER TAKEN YOUR HUMAN OUT ON A DATE!” Sans squirmed in his seat a bit at you being called ‘his human’ but otherwise remained silent. “NOW LET’S SAY THAT, BECAUSE OF THAT, THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW THAT YOU TWO ARE DATING!”

 

“bro, that’s ridiculous.”

 

“HOW DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE, THOUGH? HOW ELSE WOULD THEY KNOW FOR SURE WHAT YOU THINK OF THEM IF YOU DON’T SAY IT, BROTHER??”

 

He had a point, Sans thought, but still, this book was just a bit too far in his opinion. He pushed his bowl of oatmeal aside and pulled the book closer to himself, already dreading having to read through it. He flipped the front cover open and skimmed the page, frowning.

 

“press c to activate the dating hud..? the heck does that mean?”

 

“IT MEANS WHAT IT MEANS, BROTHER! DON’T QUESTION THE WISDOM HELD WITHIN THESE WORN PAGES!”

 

Sans highly doubted that what those pages contained could be called wisdom, but he didn’t say anything about that. Instead he closed the book and pushed it away from himself, sitting more upright in his chair.

 

“i’m not readin’ that book, bro.” Papyrus started to protest, but Sans held up a hand. “but you’re right, i’ve messed up by not takin’ ‘em out on a proper date. i don’t want ‘em to question what this is.” This seemed to please his brother enough, though his sockets still lingered on the book before he stood up, hands on his hips.

 

“THAT’S THE SPIRIT BROTHER! NOW, WE CAN WORK TOGETHER AND PLAN A DATE THAT WILL SWEEP THE HUMAN OFF THEIR FEET!” He did a little dance, his boots squeaking across the floor, before he turned and pointed dramatically at Sans. “NOW, HERE’S WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO!”

* * *

  
  


You shut off your car with a sigh, pocketing your keys before wrenching the door open. Someday you’d have the money to replace the old broken-down piece of junk you were driving, but that day obviously wasn’t coming anytime soon. You listened to the door squeak and groan in protest as you pushed it open, climbing out of the car before slamming the door shut hard.

 

It took a few more tries before the door finally closed, and your thoughts were full of concerns about your upcoming auto inspection when you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. You pulled it out and, once you got the messaging app open, frowned at the device in your hands.

 

[  **From Sans:** ]  _ *heya, i hope it’s not too much trouble, but you should check your mailbox asap. _

 

...Well that wasn’t a strange message at all, and coming from Sans, no less. There wasn’t even a pun in the message like there normally was waiting for you after your shift at work. You pocketed the device and made your way from the parking lot to your building, stopping only to hold the door open for a very old turtle monster before heading to your mailbox almost excitedly.

 

When you opened it up, there was a single rose petal, along with a note. Now thoroughly confused, you picked up the rose petal and felt it with your fingertips. It was softer than anything you’d ever felt before, smooth and cool to the touch. You flipped the note open with your other hand and began to read through it.

 

_ hey so, glad to see you can follow direction. that’s a pretty  _ **_note_ ** _ -worthy skill if you ask me. _

 

You chuckle at the obvious pun, made even more obvious by the darker lettering for ‘note’.

 

_ anyway, i better get to the point of writing this, huh? i wanted to take you somewhere special tonight. we’ve been together for a while now and wanted to show you what that meant to me. dress nice and meet me at that restaurant on main street, the one you were talking about with toriel the other day. it’s a date. _

 

You flushed and stared at the letter in surprise. Although parts of the letter did seem a bit out of character for him, it was an incredibly sweet gesture. This would be...your first date, wouldn’t it? Your first date-date, like an actual, official date. He even used the word ‘date’ in the letter, so there’s no way you were confusing this!

 

Calming the flutter of your heartbeat, you slammed your mailbox shut and all but bolted for the stairs heading up to your apartment, the note clutched to your chest.

* * *

  
  


“i dunno about all this…”

 

Sans glanced at himself in the mirror as Papyrus finished tying the bowtie around his neck, tucking it beneath the collar of his button-up shirt before giving it a gentle pat.

 

“NONSENSE, BROTHER! YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO HAVE THEM SWOONING!” He dipped his bony fingertips into a jar of some sort of cream and dabbed a little behind Sans’ ears...which he didn’t have to begin with. Sans glanced at the jar and saw that it said “MTT Brand Bishie Cream”.

 

...Fabulous.

 

“ALRIGHT, NOW YOU’RE READY!” Sans sighed and hopped down from the stool he was standing on, walking awkwardly out of the bathroom. He had donned a pair of dress shoes instead of his usual slippers or sneakers, and his basketball shorts were traded out for a nice pair of black slacks. Papyrus had even ironed them before Sans put them on.

 

Sans doesn’t remember using an iron once in his life.

 

“cool, then I better get going--”

 

“WAIT!” Sans winced and turned back around, already knowing what his brother was going to say and dreading every second of it. “YOU SHOULD READ UP ON CHAPTER 4 OF THE DATING MANUAL REALLY QUICK BEFORE YOU GO!” Sans groaned. “COME ON, I’M SURE IT COULD HELP YOU??”

 

“yeah it, uh, it might…” His eyelights darted around as he tried to think of a way out. “...but I better get going. y’know, wouldn’t wanna be late, heheh.”

 

“OH MY GOD, YOU’RE RIGHT. YOU BETTER GET GOING BEFORE YOU’RE LATE!” Papyrus pushed on his brother’s shoulders and turned him around, gently guiding him toward the door. “AND REMEMBER TO COMPLIMENT THEM ON HOW STUNNING THEY LOOK!!” The moment Sans was out the door, Papyrus closed the door, leaving the short skeleton alone in the hallway.

 

He breathed a sigh of relief. Sure, Papyrus might have the best of intentions, but everybody knows what the road to Hell is paved with. Of course, he’d never tell Papyrus that. He glanced down at himself so dapperly dressed and grimaced a bit before letting out another, longer sigh.

 

“welp, guess i better get goin’…” With that he cut a hole through the fabric of space in front of him, creating a rift, and stepped through.

 

The comforting darkness was only enjoyed for a second or two before he stepped out into an alleyway, littered with cans and beer bottles, obviously a place for drinkers to come and hang out. He carefully stepped over them so as not to dirty his nice shoes as he made his way out of the alley and onto the salted and cleared sidewalk.

 

The street was bustling with activity, humans going this way and that, going into stores and restaurants and climbing into taxis. The city wasn’t as large as, say, New York, but it was large enough that Sans felt small standing beside the tall buildings.

 

The lack of monsters traversing the area also made him uncomfortable, but he pushed the thought aside.

 

A familiar old car pulled up to the sidewalk next to him and sputtered before the engine was shut off, and he braced himself for what you might say.

 

That was all blown away when he saw you step out of your vehicle, a vast contrast between your stunning looks and its old, broken-down vibes. You’d taken his words to heart and dressed in what had to be your nicest clothes, They flattered your figure very nicely, Sans thought, and he could only assume the surprise on your face was from him having appeared from the alley.

 

“Wow, Sans, you look… good. Really good,” you said in earnest, your eyes tracing the lines of his suit and wondering how he managed to fill it out so well without a flesh body.  _ ‘Magic, _ ’ your mind supplied, and you shook your head with a slight smile as you walked around your car and stepped onto the sidewalk. “I’ve never seen you look so…”

 

“...uncomfortable?” he supplies.

 

You chuckle, “I was going to say ‘dapper’ but, yeah, that too.” You gesture to his outfit with one hand. “Where’d you even find this get-up on such short notice? ...Unless you’ve been planning this for a while.” Color rose to his cheekbones and he quickly waved a hand, as if waving the notion off entirely.

 

“nah, had it from alphy’s and undyne’s wedding.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks and tilted his skull toward the building just behind him. “so, you ready to go in?”

 

“How did you even get us in this place? You need a reservation, don’t you?” You watched as he shrugged his shoulders, his grin stretching just a bit wider across his face.

 

“heh, cuz my bro is the coolest. ...that and they had someone cancel last minute. pretty lucky, huh?” A gust of cold wintry air blew over the two of you, and you shuddered. “welp. shall we?” He held his arm out and you were surprised for a moment, then smiled and linked arms with him. (Even though you had to bend down a bit in order to do so, it was a nice gesture that you weren’t about to turn down.)

 

You walked up to the building and two employees dressed in full suits opened the doors for you, though they seemed a bit taken aback by the sight of the two of you together. You paid it little mind, though, far too interested in taking in the lavish decorum of the grand dining area. They even had chandeliers! As in multiple chandeliers!

 

“Wow,” you breathed, looking around at the other patrons and trying to gauge if you were under-dressed. “This place sure is fancy.”

 

“yeah, sure is…” Sans cleared his throat and led you up to the hostess, who was standing behind a dark wood podium. She was busy checking to make sure her manicure was still perfect, otherwise she would have noticed your approach. Shrugging at your questioning look, Sans reached out and rapped his bony knuckles against the podium. “knock knock.”

 

The hostess looked up before adjusting her sights to Sans’ height, her eyes widening when she finally laid eyes on him. Her mouth hung open in shock, so much so that Sans spotted her chewing gum still in her mouth.

 

“this is where you’re supposed to say ‘who’s there’,” he chuckled awkwardly, and the hostess blinked before turning to glance over her shoulder.

 

“You… You have a reservation?” The way she said ‘you’ made it sound like the fact was surprising, but Sans ignored that in favor of a nice evening out.

 

“yep, under osteo. might remember my voice from the phone call? you were the one who took the reservation.”

 

The girl seemed uncomfortable, and you were beginning to join her in that feeling. Eyes were beginning to gather and rest on the two of you, their gazes crawling on your back like spiders.

 

“Could we please be seated?” you ask politely, wanting away from the prying eyes so you could begin your date out.

 

“Absolutely not!” A prim-looking man with a curled moustache and a gold pin claiming him as a manager stepped from out of nowhere, surprising the hostess and yourself as he all but shoved the poor girl out of the way.

 

Sans’ grin tightened, as did his hold on your arm. “oh? why not?” he asked, then, gesturing to the podium, continued. “we have a reservation, and we’re right on time.” The man’s smile spread sweetly across his lips, though none of that sweetness met his cool brown eyes.

 

“I’m afraid we don’t have a reservation for a Mr. Osteo and guest.”

 

“that’s not possible, bud. might wanna check again.”

 

The manager sighed exasperatedly and flipped through the papers set on top of the podium, his movements screaming how inconvenienced he was by it all. After a moment he set the papers back in order on the wooden surface, his smile widening.

 

“I’m terribly sorry, but your name isn’t on the list. Perhaps I can take you down for another night?”

 

“what, so you can tell us we have no reservation then too?” he muttered under his breath, and you quickly elbowed him in the ribs. The last thing you wanted was a conflict.

 

“What can you do to remedy this? He called for a reservation and there’s clearly been some mistake,” you insist gently, moving to link hands with Sans. He stiffens for a moment before he complies, fingers interlocking while his gaze refused to move off of the manager.

 

“I’m afraid there’s just nothing to be done,” the manager says, though he was smiling in obvious delight from the situation. The hostess sent you an apologetic look, but you didn’t get to see it for long as Sans started pulling you out of the restaurant.

 

“c’mon, let’s get outta here.” His grip on your hand is hard, but not bruising, and as soon as he leads you outside and into the cold alley he finally lets go. “can’t fuckin’ believe this place. it’s cuz i’m a monster, isn’t it?” A growl rises from his throat and breaks through the noise of the city.

 

“We can just go somewhere else, Sans.” His shoulders slump and a sigh hisses past his teeth.

 

“if you’d a’ been goin’ out with a human then this wouldn’t’ve happened.”

 

“Sans.” You put a hand on his shoulder and turn him to look at you, leaning down so you’re eye level with his dimly glowing eye lights. “I don’t care about some shitty overpriced restaurant. I just want to spend time with you...okay? All of this,” you say, gesturing at his outfit and at the building you’re standing beside, “doesn’t matter to me. You do.”

 

“...heh. how’d a numbskull like me luck out with a human like you?” His smile returned slightly, just a small quirk upward at the corner of his mouth, and you returned it with one of your own.

 

“Nah, you’re not a numbskull,” you say quickly, grin widening. “You’re more of a bonehead.” Sans snorted at your joke and you pulled him into you, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “So what got into you to make you want to do all of this anyway? Not saying I don’t appreciate it.”

 

“eh... paps was talkin’ ‘bout how i haven’t taken ya out on a proper date, and i realized that he’s right.”

 

“...But we’ve hung out a lot since we started dating? I don’t understand why-”

 

“well that’s the thing i told him, too, but then he said ya might not realize we’re datin’, and i staretd thinkin’ ‘bout what if ya start questionin’ how i feel about ya, and-”

 

“Sans, that’s ridiculous! I admit that … sometimes, I’ve found myself wondering if we’ve been going on dates or just hanging out, especially when you invite Frisk or Papyrus along. Not that I mind! But I’d never question how you feel about me.” The determination in your gaze must have been what swayed him, because his shoulders slumped and he chuckled.

 

“guess i really have been a bonehead, huh?” 

 

“Yes, yes you have been.”

 

You stand together in your embrace for a while before another cold gust sends a shiver through you, and Sans pulls away to take your hand.

 

“c’mon, let’s get somewhere warmer. i’ve got the perfect place in mind.” He cut a rift through space in the brick wall behind him and tightened his grip on your hand, giving you a reassuring smile. “just close your eyes and walk with me, okay? promise, nothin’ bad’ll happen to ya.”

 

You peer into the rift uneasily for only a moment before giving him a nod, eyes slipping closed. You couldn’t see what was going on around you, obviously, but you did hear the noises of the city instantly fall away from you, as if you’d been displaced. Everything felt heavier on you, too, almost like there was a pressure being exerted upon your body. It didn’t last long, and soon you found yourself with sound again, a gentle flickering sound and a murmur of conversation.

 

“Hey, it’s Sans!”

 

Hearing the familiar voice, you crack an eye open and see that you’re in the middle of Grillby’s. The voice came from a dog monster, a curl of fur resting in the middle of her forehead. Your eyes travel from that to her swollen belly that her paw was resting against, and you smiled.

 

“heya ‘ressa, how’s it hangin’?” Sans glanced around, then looked to the dog monster with a smile. “you manage to get that mate of yours to chill for a bit?” She sighed in irritation and crossed her arms over her chest.

 

“No, but I told him that if he didn’t let me go get something to eat on my own that I would lose it. The pups wanted french fries with sugar.” Another, hulking dog monster in a suit of armor made a gagging sound before snickering, and Dogaressa shot them a scathing look. “Anyway, what’re you doing here? I haven’t seen you since lunchtime!”

 

Sans gestured toward you and Dogaressa’s eyes lit up, stepping toward you and taking your hands in her paws. You heard a gentle thump from behind you that you realized was her tail wagging.

 

“The human who pets! It’s so good to see you again!”

 

You chuckle, “It’s good to see you, too. I’m glad you and the pups are doing well.”

 

“Oh, about as well as we can, I suppose. I can’t wait until they’re here, that way Dogamy will stop worrying over me.” She rolls her eyes and both you and Sans laugh. “Anyway, don’t let me interrupt your date. Have fun, you two!”

 

She returned to her table and Sans led you to the bar, hopping up onto a barstool. You sat down, and a long, rude fart sound echoed throughout the entire bar. You shot Sans a look, who blinked innocently back at you, smile practically shit-eating.

 

Grillby appeared from the back and, when he saw your outfits, shot Sans a questioning glance. He moved his flaming hands in slow, deliberate movements that you recognized immediately as sign.

 

_ “Out on a date, I take it?” _ He turned around and grabbed a bottle of an amber liquid that glinted in his flames’ flickering light. Grabbing a tumbler glass, he popped the top and poured until it was about half full, sliding it across the bar at Sans, who took it and took a small sip.

 

“yeah, we, uh, sorta had our plans changed on us.” Another sip. “y’know that big fancy joint on main street?” Grillby nodded, so Sans continued. “well they kicked us out. took my reservation over the phone, but when we showed up…” The flames atop Grillby’s head glowed a bit brighter, more ferocious, and Sans held a hand out in a placating gesture. “hey, no need to get all  _ fired up _ , grillbz. i’m over it now.”

 

_ “Maybe so, but still, such blatant racism… I’ll be sure to tell my human patrons to avoid that place,” _ he signed, before his flames died down and he turned to you with a sudden sense of urgency, his hands a flurry of movement. “ _ I’m so sorry, I forgot to ask you what you wanted to drink.” _

 

“Oh, it’s okay, Grillby. I’ll take what Sans is having.” The ridges of flame that would be Grillby’s eyebrows rose slightly, white spots for eyes widening, and you frowned slightly. “What?” Sans turned to you, taking another sip from his drink.

 

“nothin’, it’s just a strong drink, that’s all. you sure you can handle it?” You gave him a look of pure determination, and he chuckled, motioning for Grillby to go ahead and give you what you wanted. The glass was slid before you in no time at all and you picked it up, staring at its contents.

 

It was just a simple amber liquid, with little flecks of what looked like gold floating throughout. But if you turned the glass just right, they disappeared, almost as if they were never there at all. You smelled it and smelled cinnamon and...something warm, like a fire. When you finally took a sip, it tingled across your tongue, warming you from the inside out.

 

The look on your face must have been comical, because both monsters were chuckling at you, Sans’ laugh deep and rolling while Grillby’s was smoky and crackling, like a fire. You puffed out your cheeks a bit and took another, larger drink, the warming sensation nearly overwhelming. It settled in your belly and made you feel comfortable, welcome.

 

“I can see why this is your usual,” you commented, taking another, smaller sip. Sans swirled his around in his glass before downing the rest, setting the glass with a  _ thunk _ on the wooden bar top.

 

“what can i say? it’s a classic.” He rested his elbows on the bar and leaned closer to Grillby, putting on his best smile. “heya, how’s ‘bout makin’ us a couple ‘a burg’s and fries? i’ll pay today.” This seemed to catch Grillby off-guard, but he just laughed and raised his hands up from the bar top.

 

_ “What, you actually pay? I’ll put it on your tab since you’re on a date.” _

 

“grillbz, have i ever told ya i loved ya?” The flame elemental waved off the joking comment and disappeared into the back of the bar, you alone with a chuckling Sans.

 

“So...are you okay? About the whole date thing?” He looked over at you, thoughtful and quiet for a moment, before he reached for your hand. He interlocked your fingers and gave your hand a small squeeze, shooting you a grin, his eyelights bright pricks of light within his sockets.

 

“yeah, i think so. i’ll have to break the news to pap about the other place. ‘m sure he’ll be unhappy about it, but he’ll get over it. he’s cool like that.” You nod and hum in agreement, and he runs his thumb across the back of your hand. “‘sides, if you ask me, this is a way better date than i could’ve asked for.”

 

You find yourself unable to do anything but agree, and as the warmth of alcohol settles in your belly, you lean over and press a kiss to his teeth. Surprised, he nearly pulls away, face flushing a pale blue as he nuzzles against your lips. Dogs are howling in the background and you feel a faint buzz in your head and in your lips from the magic, but you can’t really seem to care.

 

Sometimes the simple things are best.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any suggestions for a First Time fic for me to add to this series, please let me know over on my Tumblr @life-sans-sin.  
> Love you guys! Thanks for reading!!


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